The Unlovable Black Woman Does Not Exist

Do me a favor. Go to Google. Type in “black woman single.” Ok, now count how many articles pop up that have headlines like “This is why I don’t like black women” and “This is what black women should do if they want a man.” Stereotypes, misogynoir, blah blah blah, yawn.

Can you imagine if black men were treated like this? As if their being unwanted was a simple fact, and the whole world jumped in to tell them how to fix themselves? And can you imagine if the basis of their being unloveable was that they were just too damn educated/successful/confident? Let’s talk about this.

Idk why she’s smiling. Didn’t she get the news that black women are unlovable?

Every time I see deadlines like that, I wonder what the point of it all is. Ok, so you’ve just written an entire piece on how black women are destined for singledom because no one will ever love them because they’re loud and (un)educated or whatever. Ok? Now what? As a black woman, what steps do you expect me to take? Am I just supposed to sit here doubting my self-worth because the internet said I’ll never get a boyfriend? Are we, as black women, seriously expected to police ourselves and others in the hopes of one day being viewed as humans instead of stereotypes?


Yeah, no. Screw that. There are billions of people in the world, but black women are expected to believe that no one will ever want or love them. I don’t care what the numbers say (and for the record, the numbers are bullshit) – black women, you are worthy of love, and if you believe that, you will attract that. If you go around thinking that no one will ever want you, you’ll accept anything anyone tries to give you, and we all know that’s a one way ticket to disaster.

I know so many black women who have fallen prey to this way of thinking – that they’re somehow inherently “less than.” We’ve already been told all our lives, either implicity or otherwise, that black women aren’t anyone’s first choice. Then, every few months, we get a new fear-mongering ‘Why is no one marrying black women omg??’ article that’s the online equivalent of some random dude on the corner trying to tell you how to get a husband. Stop the madness and let us live.

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Sometimes I wonder how any black women manage to be happy at all, when you consider how much effort other people put into tearing us down on a regular basis. You see it in internet comment sections, in so-called “jokes,” in little comments people expect you to ignore. Black men, white people, other POC – it comes from all sides, and the disrespect is so damn casual.

To be a carefree black girl – to love yourself and live freely – is no easy feat in this world. Such confidence is born against all odds and thrives against constant assault. It’s magic, the kind that other people can’t ever fully comprehend.

So don’t believe the lies they tell you about yourself. Scroll right on past and continue living your best life, because you are worthy of love. You are deserving of respect. You, my dear, are magic.

2 thoughts on “The Unlovable Black Woman Does Not Exist

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