Confession time! I spend a crazy amount of time thinking about what it would be like to not live in the place that I live. I realize this sentence makes me sound a lot more dissatisfied with my life than I really am, but that’s not what this is about. It’s just that there are so many cool magical words out there (in fiction-land??), and all we have are tvs and microwaves and cellphones that can give you directions, which is cool but not as cool as magic schools or demon-hunting or traveling through space and time would be, am I right??
So what fictional world would I want to live in? I could go way, way back and talk about how, when I was like 13, I wanted to live in the setting of Dragonball Z and be a half-saiyan princess who falls in love with Android 17 and takes over the world with him, but I won’t, so that’s the end of this paragraph.
Nowadays, when it comes to the question of what fictional world I’d hitch a ride to, Firefly is usually first thing that springs to mind. For the uninitiated, Firefly is a short-lived but well-loved sci-fi show starring a ragtag crew of renegades who traverse space, avoiding the law and making money in whatever way they see fit. If you watched that show and didn’t fantasize about either being part of a crew like Mal’s or running your own, I would be tempted to call you a liar. It’d be just like being a pirate but there’s no ocean, which is great because I get sea sick. Do people on spaceships get space sick? Whatever, I’d deal.
However, we can’t talk about traveling through space without mentioning Doctor Who. Cliffnotes synopsis: Regenerating alien that always looks like a white British dude can travel through time and space in his spaceship, the Tardis, which is bigger on the inside than the outside and which resembles a big blue telephone box. Has a penchant for taking cute young girls with him on his travels, which is actually kind of weird, but ok.
The thing about this scenario is that you can add the sudden appearance of a blue box to literally any situation and it will make everything a million times better. Bored at school? You go to get a drink of water and in the hallway you see a big blue box. Who cares about algebra, you’re about to travel the universe with a painfully adorkable British man. Dissatisfied with your life and tossing and turning in your bed at night? You go out on the back porch with a cup of tea when a blue box appears in your backyard. Hope you have a bag packed because shit’s about to get real. Hate your job? You step outside for a smoke break when you see a big blue box. I quit, motherfucker!
I could go all day with these scenarios. This tactic got me through some of the unhappiest (and, alternately, the most boring) periods of my life. Honestly, I’m still waiting on Christopher Eccleston in a leather jacket to come whisk me away. Yes, I love Nine. He truly does not get enough love, that beautiful big-eared genius.
I know I’ve been talking a lot about space, but let’s dial it down and come back to Earth. I would be betraying who I am as a woman and a fantasy enthusiast and an unrepentant nerd to talk about my favorite fictional worlds and not talk about Harry Potter. I don’t need to tell you how bad I wanted to go to Hogwarts (and still do, whatever, don’t judge me).
Here’s the thing though: the wizarding world is just too immature and straight up dumb for me to live in. Like come on. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Like, you really can’t say a name? Get outta here with that mess, I’m not giving anyone that much power over me. (Props to Voldemort though, who was apparently so good at being bad that everyone was scared to even utter his freakin name. That’s like Boogeyman status right there. If I was gonna be a villain, that’s what I’d aspire to. He’s like the Oprah of bad guys.)
My problems with wizarding culture aside, if I was a witch I’d want to go into wizarding journalism after graduating from Hogwarts and work with Luna’s dad on wizarding conspiracy magazines and also date Charlie Weasley, hot redheaded dragon tamer extraordinaire. I’d also avoid Harry Potter like the plague that he is, since it seems like he just attracts all kinds of ridiculous trouble. I’m not about that life. I’m here to investigate nargles and date hot dragon tamers, not lose my life for some kid who doesn’t know when to take his ass back to his dorm and chill out.
In a way, what people have said before is right: Harry really was the curse of Hogwarts. Like we came here to learn Harry, not be pulled into your shit. (Fun fact: My autocorrect changed Harry to Harris, so Harry is now Harris to me. Harris Potter. I don’t know why that’s hilarious but it is and I won’t question it.)
Since we’re keeping our fantasies Earth-based for now, I have to talk about my first love of genre television, Supernatural. On the surface, it’s just a stupid CW show about two attractive dudes named Sam and Dean Winchester smoldering their way through scary situations. To me, though, it’s so much more than that: it’s a stupid CW show about two attractive dudes who are also brothers who smolder their way through emotional conversations about their pasts and hunt demons and other evil, all while driving a really cool car.
I will always love this show. I don’t care how long it goes on for. While it’s true that I stopped watching in season 9 because it seemed so devoid of direction that it was actually starting to effect my ability to sleep at night, Supernatural will always hold a special place is my heart. I don’t care if there’s a season 22 that’s nothing but Castiel making references to fandom for an hour and winking at the camera, when people ask me my top 5 favorite shows Supernatural will be somewhere on that list.
I can’t even describe to you how badly I wanted to be the Winchesters’ sidekick in high school. Like dude, you don’t even know. I was beyond obsessed with Sam and Dean and the world of demon hunting, evil-killing, and cool car-driving.
Don’t ask what I could have contributed to the team. Help with research? Relationship counseling? Overt fawning and lavish praise? I would totally wash the Impala every day to earn a spot in the backseat, I don’t care.
Readers (if you’re out there), leave your top 3 fictional worlds in the comments! I’d love to hear what places other people dream of visiting. If you say “Skyrim” I one hundred percent get it.